It's been a while : Navigating the Intersection of CORE, COLLECTIVE, DISASTER PRACTICE, and COMMITMENT

CORE, COLLECTIVE, DISASTER, PRACTICE, COMMITMENT

I know it’s been a while since I’ve reached for you in this specific way, but this a.m, I A. M.I just left my altar, and once again I’ve been altered by the Spirit. I realized that connection is my lifeline: connection to myself, my people, my purpose, my joy, my anger, the full range of all my emotions, and of course connection to the Creator. Connection is the core of everything that moves me and moves inside me. Poetry and presence are my pathways, and collective liberation is the destination. Poetry and presence create explosive yet grounding conversations between me and GOD, and between me and GOD’s people. I land lines to activate landmines. Sharing what I have been given is definitely my life’s mission.

This wisdom is a combination of praying, learning, studying, trying, failing, winning, progressing, and regressing, basically just living. Recently, I’ve had to move through guilt after it was revealed to me that I’m becoming a new shape, urging me to step back from the role I once played in my community. I had promised myself I’d give poetry, healing, writing, and  spiritual work my full attention for a whole year. Then a tornado hit my city and plunged me back into a routine I’d been adamant about breaking away from.

Supporting my people not only feels comfortable and fulfilling, it’s a mandate. Again, connection is my lifeline, but I was smacked with reasons why that support must look different for me at this juncture. My body tells me it has to align with the values I uphold and the shape emerging from my core. I can serve the people without being a disservice to myself. I’m not a perfect organizer or a perfect human, but I’ve done enough purifying and ego- purging to know my efforts are centered on community. I desperately want to keep my word and follow through on whatever I attach my name to, because on the other side of my words are relationships and trust I refuse to compromise. Logos and egos are the last things on my mind when hearts need healing and hope needs installing.

Over exerting myself is a natural state; pacing myself is uncomfortable. Yet I’m learning and have been learning for some time, that strategy and execution take many forms. Pacing and slowness make me feel restless and ineffective, and when that happens, I resent that I even have space to move less hastily. However, that is when I am closer to making clear and grounded decisions. I’ve come a long way and still have a long way to go. Twelve- hour days were my norm even before organizing.

How can I not be on the “front line” when circumstances are so drastic and the St. Louis city government has abandoned the already forgotten? How can I not be on the “front line” when the most underserved, desolate communities have been ravaged, leaving the most vulnerable behind yet again? How can I not be on the “front line” when we’re living under a fascist, racist regime who is cutting funding and deporting people who have historically faced and fought similar battles? Internally, I was struggling…real bad. Gwendolyn Brooks’s words echoed between my ears: We are each other’s harvest, we are each other’s magnitude and bond.

How can a truth that rings so true begin to strangle me, leaving me suffocated by the responsibility those words hold? How could I even be thinking about SELF when the collective needs me? In the midst of it all, I’m being pulled and it doesn’t feel like a gentle tug, like when a toddler grabs your pant leg for attention. This feels like Spirit yanking me, snatching me up by the collar. You know, like when your momma grabs you with urgency to keep you from stepping off the curb into traffic at Kingshighway and Natural Bridge (if you know, you know). The care is there, even if it feels like excessive force. You might think, Dang, it wasn’t that serious, or You could’ve just called my name, then realize that for Spirit it is that serious. Trying to protect you from danger or from yourself is that serious and often time when Spirit speaks softly, gently and kindly, YOUR ASS Don't listen.  

Spirit knows the only thing you haven’t given your all to is the thing that needs your all needs right now:

Your commitment and Your declaration given to you by the Most High, fueled by the ancestors, fortified by everything that makes you you.

A person with deep self‑interest is invested in self and others through a collective path to liberation; they build relationships grounded in shared values and are willing to lean in. I WILL NEVER NOT BE THAT PERSON. Shoutout to Mass Liberation for the language and the somatic training that handed me a microscope and my practice partners a telescope to see how my body outwardly expresses the conditioned tendencies that leave me exhausted, resentful, and irritable.

I spent a week in Oakland engaged in somatic practice with some beautiful, spiritually and relationally rich people, and I was cracked open yet again. During that week, I crafted my commitment:

I am committed to radical self‑acceptance, creative authentic expression, clear and grounded decision‑making, and unearthing sacred ancestral wisdom lodged in my knowing, in service to myself so I can fully be in service to the collective.

Within hours it became clear what was blocking me from living fully into that commitment.

In practice with Chad: The exercise was to imagine a real‑time pressure coming toward me. Chad’s hand represented everything I spoke of earlier. His hand hovered at eye level, emitting a potent energy over every inch of my body. The room already felt thick with vulnerability from the days before. As his hand moved toward my chest, my eyes swelled and guilt ballooned inside me. We were tasked to let the pressure collapse us, so I toppled backward, feeling defeat and betrayal in my core. The word SELFISH emerged and made me cringe. After two rounds of collapsing, we were instructed to center in our depth (safety), width (belonging), and length (dignity) and state our commitment aloud. It felt like once my lips opened, my commitment escaped, as if waiting for permission to be free: I AM COMMITTED TO…

This time we faced the pressure, we were instructed to  lean into it, oriented around it, and let it be. The spirit whispered, This is perceived pressure. Not the gravity of the situation or the real devastation, but the weight of expectations you’ve placed on yourself. You can show up, and your community wants for you what you want for you. Tears raced down my face; a deep exhale released tension from my shoulders that I didn’t  know was there, and a smile grew from my root chakra (   safety) slid through my sacral chakra ( my creativity) moved through my solar plexus ( my power) and skated through my remaining chakras and ultimately made its way to the crows feet that crinkle at the corner of my eyes.  In this practice 

 In this practice, I realized a few things:

1. I have to redefine what “front line” means for me. 

2. Attached to or detached from a 501(c)(3), I will be of service to the people.

3. Psalm 46:8-10

Come and see what the Lord has done, the desolations He has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth. He breaks the bow and shatters the spear; He burns the shields with fire. He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

__________________________________________________________________________________

I don’t profess to be a Christian, but I do know God is in all things because all things are in me. I extract nutrients from all teachings to nourish my soul. We fight physically, spiritually, and mentally.

In a voice that mimics mine but isn’t my own, I heard: Be still, build from within, and share that wealth with the people. Go deep and horizontally instead of shallow and vertically. The richness you have is to be shared—poured and drizzled on everyone you meet. You can organize the people because you have relationships grounded in shared values. You can make a deep impact and keep the pact you made with yourself. You are an organizer and organizers organize and in doing so you will always have hands, feet, and legs to move the people toward liberation. But at your CORE, you are a connector.

Just a few bullets points about the 🌍 core that I found valuable and relatable. 

• The inner core (  self, spirit, ancestors)  is solid because of the immense pressure, even though the temperature is very high. 

• The inner core grows in size as the Earth cools ( stillness, calm, pace, grounding) and the surrounding liquid outer core ( my community) crystallizes.

• The growth of the inner core and its interaction with the liquid outer core are key drivers of the Earth's geodynamo ( the process by which Earth's magnetic field is generated and maintained) which generates the magnetic field. 

• The Earth's core ( composed of self and community) is a dynamic and constantly evolving system, with its structure and behavior influencing various aspects of the planet's geodynamics. ( The movement ecosystem) 

This is a reminder that you too can do what you are being called to do after you give yourself permission to do so. It can be a both and instead of an either or. Sometimes your able to fully show up when we put the SHOW ( performance) UP. Knowing you don’t have to be the main character to play a vital role in movement is  VITAL….

“If I was a poem, I would be a strategy for collective liberation, folks who recite me before they pour libations or say their graces” -T-Spirit 

<GRATITUDE TO THE PEOPLE MAKING THIS CITY AND THIS WORLD GO ROUND> 

Also meet me at these places  

VOLUNTEERING ANYWHERE 

Community Circles and Backyard.. Sunday meals are on the way.. 

PUBLIC HEARING BOARD BILL 31

$30 MILLION RAMS FUNDING LEGISLATION FOR NORTH ST. LOUIS TORNADO RECOVERY

JUNE 12th / 5:30PM

Child and Family Empowerment Center,

4145 Kennerly Ave.

Read the bill here: bit.ly/stlbb31

STMBH: SPITTING & POLITICKING  / FATHERS, FATHERS, FREEDOMS 

JUNE 22nd  6 pm - 9 pm Some Things Must Be Heard; Spitting & Politicking Presents Fathers, Families, & Freedom | Tracy ( T-Spirit) St